I’ve always wanted to blog, but didn’t quite know how. I’m not really a writer, but I guess I am good at telling stories, so I figured it would be entertaining of some sort. Being a procrastinator by nature, I naturally just put it off. And off. And. Off. Finally, I hit the point of “Let me just do this shit.” The problem? The idea I had sort of deals with the past.
Let me explain exactly what I mean by that.
I thought of being fabulous at 40 because we all know that you get your shit together at 30, right? You know… You’re 25 doing what you do, and you have this vision: When I turn 30, I’m going to have the job I want, the house, a nice ass car, blahblahblahblahblah. If you’re over 30, there is a good chance that all the things you said you’d have didn’t quite come to fruition. See, at 30 I was depressed. Real depressed. Like 30 is kind of a blur. Kind of because that was the year I started doing things again to get me back. Back from….
Well, at 28 I had my first child, Kamilah, with an ex of mine. I didn’t have her long since at eleven weeks, she was taken from me by Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It’s hard to lose a child… and even harder to lose your first. So yea, depression. I spent a few years there, and in 2006 I began attempting to crawl of of that hole. I was an administrative assistant at a small manufacturing company here in Chicagoland. I had started pole dancing. With the help of my friend that I met on BlackPlanet (and she’s not even black, but that’s a story for another day), I got a second job working for the the Bears during the NFL season and various events throughout the year. Kamilah’s dad and I both bought motorcycles. I had gotten rid of my first when I found out I was pregnant. I started riding again to clear my head. In and out of therapy… slowly things began to look up for me.
Then 2009 happened.
Me in 2009
See that beautiful specimen? That was Pumpkin, my 2009 Yamaha R6 (I’m on bike #3 at this point). We had a love affair until June 28, 2009 when I crashed him and ended up with a broken left forearm, orbital, metacarpal, and a TBI. Yea, so I went from being independent to having someone help me wipe my ass. Yes, wipe my ass. I did therapy (both in and outpatient), surgery, & all kinds of tests until some time in 2010. I still have some lasting effects, like short term memory loss, from the TBI, but thanks to all the money I spent in therapy, I was learning to manage it.
This was my very first memory after my TBI.
2011 – I got yet another bike (#4). I have no memory of my accident so no, I am not afraid. My memory literally stopped about 3 minutes before and picks up at the picture above on July 3. Started riding again… got a better job, yada yada yada.
2013 – Met my son’s dad in early May.
2014 – Had my son, Kroix, in June. I’m not here for your judgement as I am 37 now. 😂
2017 – I turned 40 in January.
So basically, I said alladat to say: I didn’t think of the idea for this until I was already 40. I procrastinate. I said that already. I repeat myself, too. Another great leftover from my accident.
One question I get when I tell people I am going to do this: “Why almost? You’re already…” *sucks teeth* If you don’t get the entire hell outta here…. 😐
The answer is – Because to me, in my mind, I have a lot of improving to do and I am not nearly there yet. I’m trying to step more outside of my comfort zone like I did in previously. I’ve done a few things already. I’ll blog about those later on.