What do you do when you’re of a certain age and you don’t know your purpose in life?

If I were a man, I would buy me a Tesla and call it a midlife crisis. But, I am not. I am a mother to three and a wife to one. One of my cars is a Prius for Christ’s sake! So, I am sitting at work, and Kakuna is emailing me with all her “Girl Stops” as I give her every excuse why I feel that no one would be interested in what my almost 40 self would have to say. Plus, I am not as clever as most when it comes to writing and drawing the reading. But, I guess I am hoping that my writing will help me work through things while not boring everyone to pieces. So here goes.

The following is just a brief introduction into my life. At times, things may seem all over the place, that is because that is how things are arranged in my head. Please don’t be alarmed, I will get to the point eventually, at least I hope so. Lately, I have been overwhelmed with a ton of emotions, the most pressing, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I am currently in the process of job searching, to you know “see what’s out there.”  I’ve worked in higher education for 12 years and I feel like I am in a rut. Will finding a new job get me out of this rut or just be a bandage? 

Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t bad. I am grateful for each one of them and couldn’t imagine life without them. I am where I am by my own doing. I have lost my purpose by pouring myself into my family. My home-life consists of:

My husband – B, that I have known since high school. Recently he took the plunge and decided to work for himself. He is looking to open his own barber shop. This has definitely been a time of uncertainty, but I have never doubted his talent. Failure is NOT an option.

My adult son – N, that I want to shake some sense at least twice a week. Very smart kid, never in any trouble, just having some growing pains. Making adult decisions not fully considering the outcome. I constantly worry that I have enabled him. He will be great though, it’s his destiny.

My daughter – B, 16, a junior in high school… and a girl, so you know how that goes. She is a beautiful soul, talented dancer, loyal and trusting to a fault, boy-crazy and the source of the white patch in the front of my head (thank goodness for hair color). 

My youngest – M, involved in damn near everything that requires a lot of time and money. He is not only a talented athlete, he gets it done in the classroom. Always in high ability math, enjoys things like Math Bowl and science activities. With him being the youngest, there are things that we have let slide that would have never happened with the oldest. Hopefully I wont regret it too much.

And Xena – My dog, who recently gave birth. This experience, let me just say, I am traumatized. She birthed 7 puppies and we are down to 2 and not because they are sold. 

So, any given day or hour I could write about one of them or all of them. There is usually always something going on. Ok, let me reel this back in so I can wrap it up. I know how I got to this place, as you can see I focused on being a mother and supportive wife. Where do I begin to build myself up? What steps do I take to reclaim my own identity out side of Debra the wife, mother and academic advisor? 

 

 

Comments

  1. Danae says:

    What does Debra like to do when she is alone?

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