Yes, I am a petty girl. I own that shit. I am also very forgiving. How does that work exactly? It doesn’t. Well, it does, but it doesn’t. It’s scary in a sense, because I’ll be nice in your face, all the while making it known that you can go somewhere and fuck yourself. But this is only if you do something to me that I feel is unprovoked. I will hate your entire existence and hope you drop dead on your doorstep…. while taking up a donation because your mother died. And if you’re bitter towards me after I’ve done something for you. I’ll do something else for you even nicer. Not for you to like me and not because I give a shit, but simply to make guilt eat your ass slowly.
Usually, if I tell someone to kiss my ass and burn in hell, I am not that mad. I am just full of temporary rage. That’s not when you should feel fear though. I can get back at you without you ever even know it was me that did it. That’s when I drop it and return to normal once I get you where I need you to be. I’m petty again as I stand and watch, then normal and won’t even think about it anymore. I’m aware that Karma is a vindictive bitch, I just nudge you in her direction. Then I do me and shine.
I know you’re wondering where this comes from. My parents… see, my mom is a piece of work and very vocal about things and what she thinks. My father is calm and laid back about whatever. I am the imperfect mix of the two. Like dad, I am non confrontational. Like my mother, if I am brought to that point, I will let you have everything I know bad about you. Dad – observer. I observe and collect. I know what bothers you most. I know what you don’t like about you. I know how you deflect. I learned how to see that as a child when I was always being teased for whatever that day:
Them – You’re so skinny. Like how are you alive?
Me – I am skinny. What time is your father coming to get you this week. (Notice the lack of the question mark.)
That there is what makes me my mother’s daughter. SMH
Then there are the times I don’t even respond and will ignore you if you were standing in front of my car on fire.
There are also times where I will acknowledge what you say and laugh it off because you aren’t even worth a response from me. I won’t acknowledge anything else said by you. Then I will act like nothing happened, and all will seem well….rinse. Repeat.
I need to pick a side. Be an asshole. Or really be forgiving and not faux forgiving. Clearly this one isn’t going to be an easy fix. Maybe, I will just lighten up on the assholeness and work a little more on being forgiving to all.
I sooooo wish I could have gone into more detail with specifics, but because they are in limbo now, I am unable… But I will say this:
- You are not as great as you believe for you to be a shit talker.
- You are not worth my time and need to stop inserting yourself into shit especially when you used to text me with the same shit about said person/people.
- And, lastly, you…. I actually empathize for you. For you to say that was shitty… and I know wayyyyy too much info about you. But because I am not that much of an asshole, I have never told a soul. You need to take your anger about your life out elsewhere.
Except not with these three. Fuck. That. Shit. So, they will get the ignore from now on… in every aspect. This is the very reason I am a work in progress, and I promise to do better.