Okay, so this is a first for me, so I’m going to try to tell it so that it makes sense without jumping all over the place.
I had my son when I was 17. I had my daughter when I was 22. Since his birth, I have always felt as though my job was to be a mommy. I stopped hanging out with friends. I got a job in order to take care of my family. That’s what my life became. My mother would force me to go out with people because I always stayed in the house. I missed concerts, trips, bars and the whole night-life scene that my childless friends had.
Fast forward to later in life where my kids (one is an adult and the other a senior in high school) are able to take care of themselves. So, naturally, I feel like its time to do me.
I have a friend that visits monthly. Her name is Shirley (my period). Shirley never lets me down. She gives me a weeks notice (sleep and food) before her arrival faithfully.
This month, Shirley didn’t show up on time. She phoned in her food orders the week before and I was able to get plenty of rest. I can see, one or two days late, but Shirley didn’t even knock on the door. On the fifth day, I’m freaking out because this can’t be happening to me. Not NOW!
Let me back peddle a little bit. I have been with my husband for about 14 years. He has always wanted us to have children together. Me, I didn’t want anymore, my shop was closed, so I always told him, “No.” – So, when Shirley didn’t show up, all I could think of was, “I can’t tell him.” – – I know…I know….terrible, right? Well, yes and no.
I know that he would have been elated. Me, on the other hand probably wouldn’t be able to tell this story right now, I’d be in someone’s corner rocking back and forth. On that fifth day, I went to Walgreen’s while on my lunch break, because I just couldn’t take the “what ifs, and woulda, shoulda, coulda’s” – as I’m heading back to the office to take the test, the only thing going through my mind is, “Who can I get to drive me home from…” *facepalm* – – Yes, that is what I was thinking.
The reveal: The test was negative. I went to celebrate with a drink during my lunch. But, where the hell was Shirley???? Did she die (menopause)? Oh no, no, no…..Shirley came the next day after I spent $20 on a EFFing pregnancy test. She just doesnt want me to be great!!!
Bitch, for real? This what we on?
The message I guess is: Turning 40 kinda sucked, because my body is changing. I have too many things going on in life right now to start over (having a kid). I have a ton of concerts, shows, and trips lined up. I have a grandson that I adore more than life itself, AND….I have new motivation to do what I actually love. Thanks, Kakuna!