A New Purpose

I’m Renee, married 21 years, mother of 4 and grandmother to 1.

When I was 18 years old I left home and went away to college not to learn or get a degree but to get out of the house and away from my stepmother and father.

That’s right at 18 I packed up my then 1 year old son and went down State to live with my fiance’, baby daddy…lol to attend school.

Long story short, I hated it. I had no friends and no desire to have any. I decided at 18 I wanted another child, a girl to be more specific. What was I thinking???? So my fiance’ agreed because he wanted to make me happy.

Let’s back track to see where this dumb ass thinking was coming from. My mother died when I was 6 years old and I had always wanted that mother daughter bond.

To know a person is to understand that person’s past. —Renee

Maybe we will revisit this later as this event has had a great impact on my life.

Ok where was I? Oh 18, stupid, engaged, wanting a daughter. Well I got what I wanted and the pregnancy was the worst pregnancy out of the 4 times I’ve been pregnant. So I should have known I was cursed right? I had a 9lb 5 ounce baby girl and I named her Dawn Alexis. She was beautiful and I had to beg the nurses to bring her to me.

As a baby, Dawn was very attached and as a child she was smart, considerate, and the sweetest little thing. Once she went to high school it all changed. She repeated my mistake and was pregnant at 16 and had her daughter Londyn at 17.

To say the least, this was the lowest point of my life because I blamed myself. I thought had I had a mother things would be different. I thought I was a good mother….I taught and talked to her, we had girl time, and I disciplined her when it was needed. I was depressed y’all and I didn’t know how to pull myself out of it. I couldn’t talk to my husband because I believed he blamed me in some level, but this is “OUR” daughter and there is no “I” in team. It took me a minute to come to that conclusion. My life was falling apart, I prayed constantly…I could not see the rainbow at the end of the storm.

Then on November 11th 2013, Londyn (Lola) Rene’e was born and suddenly I had a new purpose. In the 4 years she has been here, she has given me so much joy and the depression slowly retreated.

I say this to say…you never know what circumstances may bring about a true blessing in your life. Keep living, learning and getting better because you never know what life has in store for you.

Comments

  1. Danae Gilliam-Tate says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I honestly felt like when my daughter got pregnant that it was my fault. I’m glad that Lola has brightened your life.

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